🎙️ Episode Summary:

Ever catch yourself saying something nice—only to have it derailed by a dreaded “but”? In this week’s edition of her newsletter, Wes Kao flips that common communication pitfall on its head with what she calls the "Inverted But Technique." While conventional advice suggests swapping out “but” for “and” to soften the blow, Wes argues that’s not always effective: “‘But’ and ‘and’ are not actually interchangeable.” Instead, strategically changing the order of your sentence can preserve both honesty and positivity. By leading with the negative and ending with the positive, you flip the emotional script. Your message lands better, your feedback feels fairer, and your team feels more motivated. In short, it’s not about canceling “but”—it’s about making “but” work for you.

💡 Key Takeaways:

• "But" is a powerful word that naturally negates the statement that comes before it. Use that to your advantage!
• The default structure is usually: Positive statement + but + Negative feedback. This accidentally cancels the compliments.
• Wes recommends flipping the order: Start with the Negative + but + Positive. This softens the critique and leaves a more uplifting final impression.
• Example:
  • Instead of: “The presentation looks good, but there are a few issues,” say: “There are a few issues, but overall the presentation looks good.”
• The brain focuses more on what comes after “but,” so putting the positive last helps reinforce your actual intent.
• This technique isn’t just for feedback—it also helps when disagreeing with colleagues, making your stance sound more collaborative.
• You don't need to replace "but" with "and" all the time; they have different functions, and overusing "and" can create unclear or illogical messages.
• Try this out in your next meeting or email—flip your “but” sentence and notice the difference in how it lands.

🧰 Recommended Action:

• Before your next piece of feedback, try writing two versions: one traditional, one using the Inverted But Technique. Ask: Which version feels more motivating?
• Analyze “but” statements in your workplace—do they end positively or negatively?
• Practice the technique in low-stakes situations to build confidence; it’s especially handy when you’re afraid of sounding harsh or disagreeable.

🧠 Bonus Tip:

Speaking more positively—while still being clear—is a skill, not fluff. Wes teaches these techniques in her Executive Communication & Influence course for senior ICs and managers. The May 2025 cohort includes folks from Google, Uber, Adobe, and more—so if impactful communication is your growth edge, this might be worth a look.

Stay sharp—and try giving your next “but” a better landing.

🎙 See you in the next episode!
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